"Whiteness" is not (just) about skin color
an essay on decolonizing ourselves
A couple years ago, a friend I’d grown up with decided our friendship had run its course. We had became friends in elementary school and later had the fortune of going to the same university. I vividly remember sleepovers on her family’s living room floor prank calling people on our flip phones (*67 anyone?) But as we got older, it became apparent that we had more differences than similarities. One day she told me I “act like a white person” and that was that.
At first, my defenses went up. Acting like a white person? What does that even mean? My skin is well, white, no? Who else am I supposed to act like? But as the years have passed, I’ve had a lot of time to think about that comment and why my dear friend chose to end the relationship. What I’ve grown to understand is this:
“Whiteness” is a term used to describe the traits that white people tend to live in accordance with that come from and perpetuate colonization.
In the book Radical Friendship by Kate Johnson, she describes these traits as the characteristics of “white supremacy culture.” The United States operates as a white supremacy culture. She describes “white supremacy culture” as “a set of ideologies that can be perpetuated by anyone acculturated within societies that systematically advantage white people to the disadvantage of Black, Indigenous, and other people of color.” (Johnson, 2021)
I also would like to mention that differences in social and economic class create different relationships with “whiteness” and “white supremacy culture.” I come from a more urban liberal middle class background, so many of my views are based on this specific demographic.
The Traits of Whiteness and White Supremacy Culture
Johnson uses the work and writings of Tema Okun and Keneth Jones in Dismantling Racism: A Workbook for Social Change Groups to list the traits of “whiteness”. They are as follows:
“ 1. Perfectionism: identifying self and other with mistakes, little appreciation for assets
Sense of urgency: the drive for quick and visible results
Defensiveness: an inability to tolerate feedback or criticism
Valuing quantity over quality: if results can’t be measured, they have no value
Worship of the written word: little respect for other ways information is shared.
Either/or thinking: oversimplifying complexity and creating false binaries
Power hoarding: little value around sharing power at the level of leadership (and I would add resource hoarding here as well)
Fear of open conflict: those who raise issues are seen as problematic or inappropriate
Individualism: a culture of competition instead of collaboration, leads to isolation
Progress = bigger and more: an appetite for growth without considering impacts of continuous expansion
Belief in objectivity: a premium on logic and reason, privileging what can be known through the mind, the invalidation of expressions of emotion”
The Individual and The Collective
These traits show up both as collective and individual patterns, from the way international politics is conducted to our innermost monologues and interactions with one another. The most upsetting realization was how “whiteness” shows up in my personal day to day. I struggle with perfectionism, binary thinking, doing everything on my own, living too fast paced, etc. And of course, my ways of going about the world come from my parents and neighbors who also embody these traits (subconsciously I’m sure- no shame or blame here). This realization has made me realize that colonization has left no one unscathed, not even the people who benefit directly from it.
Now you see, none of us are very happy being perfectionists or trying to hold onto our wealth or being super isolated. Living in a white body, I have a myriad of privileges that come from these traits and the society we’ve crafted (power hoarding for instance), but at the end of the day, white supremacy is still eating us from the inside out. It’s like patriarchy - there are some men who are on top of the world, sure, but at the end of the day most men struggle when they are isolated, shunned for expressing emotions, and have to “be the man” all the time.
I think it’s important to note too that a lot of the traits of colonized peoples compound on each other. Perfectionism arises from competitiveness which comes from never being able to be wrong and thus, defensiveness which comes from isolation which then perpetuates MORE isolation which…. I could go on and on. These traits are so interlinked that we are effectively bound in a trap of our own design. And they’re embedded in our society and communities like we’re all in some sort of cult. In order to be “successful” (ie have material wealth and freedom) you have to play by the rules of white supremacy. And when you deviate from those norms… you’re outcasted, shunned, and denied help.
The goal of colonization, which has created “white supremacy culture,” is white domination. So why does the pursuit of domination continue to be enticing for white people in our society? Well first of all, in many ways I think it may be a subconscious goal. By pursuing domination over ourself and others we are able to turn away from our pain. Let me give an example - A common trope in many a white boomer memoir is oh my god! My fancy car, dream job, and sexy wife has not made the pain go away?!? In white supremacy culture we somehow believe that we can beat our insecurities. That once we are on top it will somehow squash the guilt or the loneliness or the anger. But how many of us are carrying around wounds that have been pushed down or suppressed so much that they come out in the form of dominating others?
How do we face our pain instead of try to overpower others?
First of all, there is no way I could answer this. I’m sure the answer is different person to person and could take lifetimes of work. That being said, I’m currently reading Your Heart Was Made for This by Alice Walker (author of The Color Purple), and I would say Walker provides a good starting point.
For some context, Your Heart Was Made for This follows the spiritual journey of a woman in her 60’s. As part of her journey, she goes on an Ayahuasca retreat in South America which is where she meets Rick. What makes Rick unique is that Rick is the only white character in the entire book. We learn that Rick’s family’s wealth comes from taking advantage of his black neighbors and the following passages represent a conversation between him and the curandero named Armando.
page 161
“… since coming to America all of us ‘ethnics’ who could pass for white people did so. We dropped as much as we could of whatever heart, soul, or rhythm made us unique. It’s curious now that everywhere you look there are white men, but in my view most of them are invisible. We don’t look at each other, you know. Not anymore. We’re afraid someone will have the poor taste to ask: What is your power source?”
page 162
“ ‘What is the medicine for this invisibility that white men have?’ asked Rick. ‘An invisibility they are spreading to others.’
…
‘In my opinion,’ said Armando, ‘after a while the only medicine that cures invisibility among the powerful is tears.’ ”
My interpretation of this passage is that one antidote to the pursuit of domination is vulnerability with oneself. Which is incredibly hard and much easier said than done. But in my own life this has looked like being honest with myself about how I really feel in my day to day instead of continuing to push through with a smile taped on my face.
At the end of the book, the main character and her partner invite everyone to a celebration. Everyone agrees to come to the party except … Rick. I almost threw my book at this point. I’m not sure what Alice Walker’s intent was, but the fact that Rick, the only white character, decides not to show up to the party felt deeply personal. I witness this all the time in my communities, and the ways in which white people struggle to show up for others. A key aspect of colonized “whiteness” is isolation.
But in the last chapter of the book, Rick finally calls to say that he has had a breakthrough and will make it to the celebration! Maybe what Walker is getting at here is that once we are able to fully feel and work through our pain, guilt, and need to dominate, we’ll finally be able to accept our invitation to the party that is life. The very nature of colonization is that it isolates us from our true nature, from other people, and from the planet. But through this work of decolonization, we can reconnect with what we’ve lost.
Practical Steps
If I’ve learned anything about “white supremacy culture” it is that the work to find solutions must be communal. But as I have never had the privilege of working through this with others, all I can offer you is the individual work that I’ve done. It is not perfect, but it is a jumping off point. I have created some journaling prompts below to help us examine our own patterns. The main question is: What are the wounds that my whiteness is pointing me towards?
What are my perspectives and experiences around making mistakes?
What do I tend to do with the resources I have? How do I feel about sharing what is mine?
How do I react in times of conflict or when people present me with an issue?
How open am I to alternate ways of living, of being, of communicating?
What does “success” mean to me?
What does power mean to me? How is that different or similar to being empowered?
What does community mean to me?
Do I allow room for uncertainty, the unknown, or the abstract in my life?
If you are looking for some other resources about decolonizing whiteness, feel free to check out a past piece I wrote entitled “White ‘Culture,’ Rootlessness, and Disconnection.”
Another great resource is this article by Stevie J. Guiol.
I also highly recommend the books that I have cited here.
Radical Friendship by Kate Johnson (a Buddhist book about building friendships and community)
Your Heart was Made for This by Alice Walker (a fiction story about spirituality that goes beyond the white mainstream perspective)
the image comes from: Caroline J. Sumlin https://www.carolinejsumlin.com/articles/the-characteristics-of-white-supremacy-culture-a-series
This is all MY WRITING. No AI. ever.
I never connected the feelings of isolation and the desire to dominate that many men feel to colonization. You can clearly see it today in the far right that largely supported by men who feel like they are suppose to have some sort of power over others.